It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
