Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
