We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
