I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
