you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
