I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
