Umm I'm too high to move.
Screwed.edu
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
