at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
