Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
