Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Pooping to opera.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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