I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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