Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize