I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
