I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
