He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
