just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
