i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
