I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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