Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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