if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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