Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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