You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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