He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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