Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
