I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
The ass gains better be worth it
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