I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
