"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
