I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can I color on your dick again?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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