yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
