K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize