is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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