GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
