I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
