it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
