i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
