Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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