he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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