tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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