rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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