god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize