I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
