Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
