I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
