I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
