woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
