All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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