What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
