I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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