From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
please come you make the beer taste better
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
