i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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