She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
