now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
