no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
