im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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