and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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