You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
