I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
