You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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