she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
