walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
