At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
