Barsexuality is the new black.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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