You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
