I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
