i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
