Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
