Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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