i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
