do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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