He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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