After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
