I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
and she was petting her beer can
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
