So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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