I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
