on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
