I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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