Apparently you make a good broom.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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