Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize