yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
