i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
