dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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