I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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