Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
