i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Randomize
