Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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