so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
