Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
