Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
this hospital has no fireball
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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