so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
