Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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