He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
