did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
