Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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