I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
