I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish I could teleport
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
