This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
