Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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