6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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