You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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