it hurts more in the daytime
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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